New Bounties
by astrau
Summary: No good deed goes unpunished. Admiral Fujitora invents quite an original way to deal with pesky upstart pirates.


**Thank you for your kind comments! There were a lot of typos I had to correct. So this is a revised (and I hope better) version of the story**

The 'yay, we defeated the main boss' party was in full swing, and Strawhats and their assorted allies were fast consuming emergency supply of Dressrosa's food and alcohol. Laying on the ground left and right, various pirates and their associates were laughing happily, drunk from the famous Dressrosa's wine and giddy from happiness. The city around them was decimated, the government overthrown, but the hapless heroes were overjoyed. They have won! And what and epic battle it was!

"Meat! Gimme more meat!" hollered the human meat grinder and concurrently the captain of the Strawhat Pirates, extending his rubber limbs further and masterfully stealing food from his neighbors dishes. His massively protruding belly was evidence enough of his voracious (and some would say inhuman) appetite. Nevertheless, his nakama and fellow pirates, who were sitting all around him, supported his enthusiasm wholeheartedly. Food stealing and food fights were acceptable and even welcome. Were they pirates or not?

Zoro, Strawhat's first mate and swordsman extraordinaire was playing drinking games with Nico Robin, who was shamelessly cheating; Franky was exchanging manly tales with gladiator Kyros; Leo was thinking how to better hug his sweetheart, Mansherry, and the latter was furiously blushing; Rebecca, still clad in bikini chainmail, was happily crying, and her aunt Viola, former princess-turned pirate-turned traitor was rolling her eyes. Cavendish, the most beautiful of all pirates was squabbling with Bartolomeo, self-proclaimed Strawhats greatest fan; Don Chinjiao, the happy grandfather, was educating his future granddaughter-in-law, Baby 5, who was not listening at all; dejected looking Boo was bickering with his brother Sai; Kanemon and Kanjuuro were drawing obscene pictures and Trafalgar Law, still sore from his various wounds, wished to be anywhere but here. As for the other lowlifes and pirates who became Luffy's friends during the Dressrosa misadventure, the author just fails to remember all their names. So there!

Oh, but we forgot to mention the most important person! He who is the bravest of the brave, the man who is considered (by some) the best marksman in the world, the courageous and adventurous "God" Usopp, he, who is the dashing hero of Tontatta tribe, the destroyer of evil witches, the liberator of enslaved dolls, the master of observation haki, the… where was I?

Anyway, Usopp was the first to notice that somebody was slowly approaching the partying group of wannabe heroes. Somebody who was not invited and therefore not quite welcome.

Dark and imposing figure clad in purple yukata with a swordscane in hand came to a halt before the sharpshooter.

Usopp was not deterred. He bravely stood up ready to meet this danger face to face.

"Whaaaa! Luffy! That's him! Whaaaa!"

"Yeah, him," his captain readily agreed in between of two large mouthfuls. "What was 'is name again?"

Dreading the inevitable name calling and considering who was the person about to get a new and quite demeaning nickname from Luffy, Nico Robin promptly gagged the rubber youth's mouth with one of her Fleurs.

"Admiral Fujitora," she smiled primly like a well-bred lady she (possibly) was. "What a pleasure to meet you here. Are you going to arrest us now?"

The blind admiral slowly shook his head.

"All in due time. For now I have to deliver an official notice to one of your associates."

Pulling an ominously looking parcel from the folds of his yukata, he threw it to the apathetic looking Trafalgar Law who caught it automatically.

"So it's official" said the Heart Pirates captain, perusing thick stack of papers decorated with fancy stamps and whatnot . "Now I can add an "ex-shichibukai" to my resume."

"Should I congratulate you or bring my condolences, Trafalgar?" Cavendish, the blond pirate primadonna, snickered.

"The position is open. You can join anytime," the pirate doctor bared his teeth. "I think Buggy the Clown would appreciate your company."

"Yeah!" Bartolomeo interjected. "That dull organization needs more girls!"

Cavendish's face darkened. He (or rather his other, much more sinister half) looked ready to kill somebody. Or a couple of somebodies.

"Listen to me, pirates," coughed the blind admiral, preventing the possible murder. All this noise was falling on his nerves. Do these silly outlaws not know that the blind men's ears were more sensitive than those of the ordinary men?

"I have another question to address."

"Shoot," Zoro drawled lazily, making the ex-shichibukai wince. It was a well-known fact that admiral Fujitora liked to shoot meteors from the sky.

"There's a question of your bou…"

"Yay! Wanted posters!" Rubber hand that belonged to the most elastic person in the world promptly snatched paper sheets from the frowning admiral's arms. "Gimme, gimme that!"

And now everyone was excited. You see, the outlaws of every kind base their worth on the sums of their bounties. They don't have official ranks like the marines or fancy titles like the world nobles. So how would they value each other and know who is who in the vast and complicated world of the Four Blues/Grand Line?

Everybody was ready for a huge bounty increase. They just defeated one the most influential underground family, annihilated its army of goons, uncovered ten years old conspiracy, disrupted underground dealers chains of supply et cetera et cetera. So yeah, they deserved the addition of a few more million to their bounty rewards.

The Strawhat captain spread the first sheet on his knees. It was, as expected, the wanted poster of Trafalgar Law, the infamous 'Surgeon of Death', who was a doctor, a captain and an ex-warlord all rolled into one lanky package. The hefty reward of 440 million was already reinstated.

"Well, Trafalgar," Cavendish of the White Horse commented, his lips breaking into a smile, "I wouldn't call you exactly photogenic."

The pirate doctor just scowled. Primadonna was right; the photo on this new poster was extremely unflattering. Lack of his trademark hat and wild hair sticking out at various angles, as well as bruises and abrasions that marked his frowning face added nothing to his charm. Where did the damn marines take this photo, anyway?

Franky's poster was next. After he snatched it from the greasy fingers of his captain, the cyborg looked at it with rapt attention.

"What's that?" he said at last, his voice absolutely flat. "What's that, I'm asking you!"

Instead of an answer, there was a collective murmur of confusion.

"Can't be…"

"What a surprise…"

"It's some kind of mistake!"

A desperate shout broke out of Franky's humongous lungs.

"What's that? 22 million! It's only 22! How can it be? My bounty was 44!"

"Perhaps it's your old bounty?" suggested Viola.

"It was always 44! For, like, two years already! So not supah! Argh…"

"What about the others?" asked Dressrosa's former princess. "Let's check it out."

The bewildered pirates did just that.

"What the … Is it some kind of sick joke?"

All of the other wanted posters contained similar information. Be it Don Chinjiao, Hajrudin or Ideo, be it Strawhat's Zoro or Robin, be it Bartolomeo the Cannibal, or Cavendish of the White Horse – each and every pirate's bounty was drastically decreased.

"Eh, Fujitora, is it your idea?" asked the former warlord, his interest piqued.

The blind admiral lowered his head as if trying to conceal something. Perhaps only a smirk, perhaps an expression of utter satisfaction.

"Indeed it is."

And now every pirate's head turned in the direction of the purple clad marine official.

"Taking into account your contribution in the establishment of constitutional order in the kingdom of Dressrosa, the World Government decided to reduce all of your bounties. By half."

The collective wail of distress from various pirates interrupted Fujitora's explanation.

"What does it mean? Why by half?"

"What did we do to deserve it?"

And some of the voices, as was expected, were more vocal than the others.

"Am I still a Supernova or what?" Zoro looked positively distraught. "And…and does it mean that that shitty cook' bounty is now bigger than mine?"

"It's a disgrace," grunted Don Chinjiao. "And it's all undoubtedly Mugiwsara's fault!"

"My popularity!" wailed the inconsolable prince of pirates. "What about my glory!"

And only Bartolomeo, the first in the list of the most unpopular pirates ever born was not discouraged, no sir!

"My respect for Luffy sempai and his crew would not diminish!" He proclaimed, brandishing the Strawhat's posters for the entire world to see. "Never ever!"

And only Usopp was happy to be overlooked. His or his alter ego, Sogeking wanted poster was not present, and it was good!

Trafalgar Law looked at the blind admiral with suspicion.

"Quiet amusing," he drawled, not really amused even one bit. "And why is my bounty as it is? Certainly, I did help a little in "establishing of constitutional order"?

Fujitora grunted, his expression suddenly unreadable.

"No leniency for those who betrayed the trust of the World Government! So your bounty stays."

Yeah, the admiral was not fond of shichibukai, all of them, without exception. He was ready to curb stomp them, to crush them under his foot like the annoying insects they were. That much was obvious.

Other pirates suddenly looked at Trafalgar with a mixture of envy and loathing. Murmurs of "lucky bastard" and "so not fair" were heard from every member of the group, including even his closest allies. And suddenly the Surgeon of Death had a very bad premonition – as if somebody was walking on his grave…

"Wait, what about Luffy's bounty?" asked Usopp, scratching his head. "We haven't seen it, have we?"

"Unfortunately, the World Government is unable to reduce his bounty by half," clarified Fujitora. "His previous transgressions were too severe. Besides, for some unknown reason, his grandfather was very vocal against that idea."

Jubilant Luffy jumped high in the sky, ready to hug everybody and everything within his eyeshot.

"Yeah! It's still 400 million!"

"Not…exactly..." Fujitora shook his head and presented Strawhat Luffy's poster, graced by the famous photo of a carefree smiling boy and…

"Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!"

…the bounty.

"201 million," Trafalgar Law drawled, "is certainly more than a half of 400 million."

"201!" Bartolomeo wailed. "So not fair!"

"201," Zoro chuckled. "We are back to a starting point."

Luffy, his face hidden under the shadows cast by his eponymous straw hat, didn't say anything.

"That's still a lot of money," wondered Kanjuuro, raising head from his doodles.

Kanemon just shrugged: "Pirates and their bounties. We, samurai, are above these silly things!"

"Why is it bad?" asked Mansherry, the naïve little princess of the Tontatta tribe. "Is it an unlucky number?"

Robin smiled benignly at her little companion: "It's the favorite number of the tyrant Doflamingo,"

"For real?" screeched the minuscule creature.

"No."

Utterly disgusted with his new nakama's shenanigans, Trafalgar Law decided to put an end to this collective idiocy.

"If that's all," he said, "please relieve us of your presence, admiral."

Fujitora cocked his head, as if deep in thought.

"Oh, I almost forgot. There's the last bounty poster I need to present to you. Here."

Another sheet of paper magically appeared in his hands. 'Where does he even store them,' thought the pirate doctor. No, scratch that, it was possibly just a side effect of crazy admiral's devil fruit ability.

Luffy, who was not a complete analphabet, like some of his foes suggested, started to read aloud, sliding the finger across the paper:

"Wanter dead or alive. "God" Usopp. 300 million belly. Ehaaaaa? Usopp's bounty is bigger than my?"

"My bounty is bigger than Luffy's? Cool!"

Cool! Cool? Not so fast. The gears in the Strawhat's sharpshooter head started to move very fast. Higher bounty means higher grade bounty hunters. Usopp shuddered; unwelcome recollections of angry townspeople who wanted to catch him earlier this day were especially scary.

"They'll just skin me alive, Luffy," he said, his stomach queasy. "The marines, the bounty hunters, even the old ladies and retired teachers…Why, oh, why…"

"It was the dying wish of Donquixote Doflamingo, the former Heavenly Dragon," Fujitora supplied a ready answer. "The World Government couldn't say no."

Dying wish, my ass, thought Usopp. Fujitora was the biggest troll in history, for sure. Only he was able to concoct such a sinister, humiliating and effective plan to take down a notch all these strong and cocksure pirates.

And that was not even the end of this story. After a short pause, Fujitora, still absolutely calm, said, rising a hand with an invisible watch to his unseeing eyes:

"By the way, my colleagues are coming to arrest you in…fifteen minutes. As a gambler, should I bet on your safe escape or your capture?"

Grumbling and growling pirates started to rise from the ground. Fujitora watched them with unconcealed joy. Sakazuki, stupid fool, could just kiss his ass. If he so wanted the heads of Trafalgar and Strawhat on a silver platter, well, he'd have to get that silver platter himself.

Among the noise of general not quite stampede (because these pirates were too foolhardy, too dignified or just simply too lazy for a proper stampede), the lonely voice of Trafalgar Law was heard:

"Well, no good deed goes unpunished."

"What are you talking about, Torao?"

"Nothing," the former warlord smiled. "Wanna have a little fun at marine's sake?"

"Sure!"

"How about we blow up a naval base or two?"

"Eh?"

"Never mind…Lets run the harbor?"

Luffy just smiled, full of life and joy, the question of reduced bounty fast forgotten. Anyway, all these stupid numbers mean absolutely nothing when you are with your friends and family. And so he laughed and jumped and ran, and nobody, not even the great admiral Fujitora would be able to stop him.

"Yeah, to the harbor!"


End file.
